Let's Get Season Sixteenening! (RECAP)

RuPaul's Drag Race Season 16E1 "Rate-A-Queen"

Surprise, bitch! Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me. But like the sun after the darkest of nights, or a Ryan Murphy anthology series after a middling series finale, l rise again. 

The real question is: what can you expect from these recaps? The same ol’ establishment-approved prose I would write for “The Man”?? Of course not. I’m now a rogue journalistic operative. Unfettered by the chains of the mainstream media, motivated only by my single-minded pursuit of truth and guided by my own dubious moral compass…

All this to say, please do not expect a minimum word count.

RuPaul loves a split premiere, and so do I. More time with the queens means more chances for them to shine, and – most importantly – more opportunity to learn their names. (Despite this, I would bet cold hard cash that Ru could not spell “Xunami Muse” given an unlimited amount of tries). But first eps are all about first impressions, so let’s get into mine:

Amanda Tori Meating

Amanda is a peculiar case. She enters the season with high name recognition based mostly on her nom de guerre being a banger of pun (though the spelling “Meating” is a bit of a hat on a hat, no?) However, based on this episode, it seems unlikely that this enterprising business woman will be sticking around into Q2. Aesthetically, it’s all a bit messy. Morphine immediately clocks the visible breast plate neckline, and Michelle is less than enthused by her makeup. In seasons past, queens have thrived despite being rough-around-the-edges off the strength of their charm/wit/comedy, but I doubt Amanda will be such a case. RuPaul and Michelle are charmed by her performance chops, but in the presence of other heavy hitters this episode, largely unimpressed. The concept for her runway reveal was interesting, but unpolished (to say the least!) further proof that she just doesn’t possess the technical skillset to execute her imagination. My forecast? Amanda won’t be first out, but I sense a looming 10 minute Zoom call with management being added to her GCal in the near future…

Dawn

Next up, Dawn, the self-proclaimed “ethereal elf goddess of Brooklyn.” Anyone who’s waited for the Jefferson L on a Saturday afternoon can tell you that there’s a lot of girls, gays, and theys vying for that title, but after this ep I think Dawn has a very strong claim. She’s the total Drag Race package: a fully-realized unique aesthetic, a toolbox full of drag-based skills, a sharp wit, and an expertly calibrated level of self-assurance (self-obsessed enough to make good TV, humble enough to not alienate the audience.) Based on first impressions, I’d be shocked if Dawn wasn’t Top 4. She won the episode’s “Make RuPaul Do A Respitorally Concerning Laugh Award,” nailed her talent show performance, and delivered a couple very polished runway looks. Xunami summarizes astutely: Dawn has an aesthetic that will read very well on this show. And as she tells us top, Dawn feels so pussy. Well, girl… you have every right to. Brava!

Mirage

Mirage, the season’s resident Vegas queen. If you wish to make any assumptions about the flexibility of her limbs or volume of ostrich feathers in her luggage based on her hometown, I invite you to! They will likely be accurate. Sixteen seasons into a show which has seen more contortionists and gymnasts grace its stage than I could possibly count, it’s difficult to genuinely innovate the splits in the lip sync space. But by golly… I think Mirage may have done it. With every mid air *CLACK* of Mirage’s translucent heels I squealed and giggled like a child at the circus. “I knew a stripper at Jumbo’s Clown room who would do that,” Ru wistfully recalls. (I imagine that Ru has said this exact sentence to queens dozens of times before, but this is the first time it’s actually made the edit.) Not just a one-clack wonder, Mirage comes alive in other ways in a performance setting. She injects character and personality into even the simplest portions of her choreo, demonstrating a depth of performance experience I hope we get to see more of. That said, Mirage’s achilles heel lies in her ability to shine outside of a lip sync context. Her flat affect and nervous energy don’t read well in the on camera, and how far she makes it into the season will be entirely dependent on her ability to overcome that.

Morphine Love Dion

I’m going to be transparent here: I fear I’ve imprinted onto this queen like a baby duckling. Where to start? The stamped face? Her unabashed reading of her sisters in confessional? Or her Alyssa Edwardian impulse to check herself out in the mirror – no, not to do touch ups, just as a soothing reminder that, yes, she does indeed still look that good. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but as of now Morphine Love Dion is filling the Mistress Isabelle Brooks-shaped hole in my heart. And we haven’t even touched on the performance yet! Morphine’s lip sync to Rosalía was one of my favorites of the evening. Morphine’s tricks never feel perfunctory or imitated. The little flashes of her personality we see in the splits and turns are what keep us engaged, and let us know that we are dealing with a professional here. On the runway, the judges categorize her reveal as a little basic, but I’m happy that guest judge Charlize Theron pushes back. It’s not about the simpleness of the garment, but the pageantry of the reveal! Let’s get some taste people! You know what, let me go rewatch Atomic Blonde… My attention is firmly affixed to Miss Love Dion, and I have sky high hopes for what she’ll bring this season.

Q

In a season full of triple names and confusing homonyms, a queen like Q was bound to stand out. While her name may be simple, it’s clear we’re dealing with a dynamic artist of considerable depth. A talented seamstress, she makes all her own garments and does not appear to skimp on quality. Over the course of this one episode, she showcased three extremely sophisticated pieces with excellent attention to detail. And that studied perfectionism is what makes the juxtaposition of her talent show so alluring. In one of the oddest talent shows in Drag Race herstory, Q performs a puppet ballet show, consisting of her giant-ass head emoting over a tiny puppet ballerina body. Bizarre, well-executed, and puppet-based? Truly RuPaul catnip. An instant top 2 placement and an effective artist’s statement from one of the season’s early frontrunners. Eager to see what other tricks she has up her well-constructed sleeves.

Sapphira Cristál

“Philadelphia’s crown jewel,” Sapphira Cristál is another queen who’s made a day one fan out of me. Entering the Werk Room with a spooky/haunted house ghost-entrance, then revealing your whole thing is actually being an opera singer obsessed with crystals? It’s called charm!! Theatre of the absurd!! Look it UP. Speaking of charm, in the mini-challenge Sapphira has RuPaul eating out of the palm of her hand. Her walk, to her sassy little comebacks… yeah, Ru is as beguiled by Sapphira as I am. For her talent, Sapphira sings live, a herstorically dangerous gambit but one that pays off big time. She’s a talented soprano, and seamlessly integrates her comedy, flexibility, and considerable production value into the performance of her aria – notably gesticulating towards RuPaul on the lyric “my father.” When she finishes, RuPaul calls out “Why did you look at me when you said ‘father?’” “You know why,” Sapphira quips back. Aaaand she sticks the landing! A powerful first episode for the Philly queen. 

Xunami Muse

Despite her relatively underwhelming performance throughout this episode, I can’t help but be charmed by Miss Muse. Her entrance line (“Yerrr!”), her willingness to both kiki with and read her fellow queens in equal measure… I see the vision! That said, she’s dug a deep hole for herself this episode, one that she must escape (and quickly!) if she wants to make it to the mid-season. Her self-penned rap had some fun lyrics, but that combo just isn’t enough to overcome a lack of stage presence and theatricality. In a world where Sapphira has just brought the set of Disney’s Frozen to the main stage, we’re gonna need a little more. Xunami’s runway also didn’t help her cause. The garment and its subsequent reveal are extremely simple, and we’re left with the unfortunate conclusion that Xunami just isn’t quite ready for this season. But I won’t make the mistake of counting out a daughter of Kandy prematurely. Let’s see what else she’s got.

I can’t wrap up the recap without discussing these twists. First, immunity is BACK. I’m wary of this one, particularly how it might lower the stakes for strong queens like Sapphira who are already feeling pretty safe, but if I were a betting man, I’d say that this twist doesn’t make it into the late season. Second, the “Rate-A-Queen” system. Instead of a standard judges’ deliberation, this week’s top two are determined by the queens standing in front of a Minority Report-esque computer setup, where they rate their fellow queens whereupon (presumably) the averages are determined by some proprietary Drag Race mathematical formula. Similarly, I don’t imagine this system will be used beyond the first two episodes (right…?) And of course, I eagerly look forward to seeing how RuPaul will use this ranking information to shit stir at a later date. 

The ranking system appears fair, as it awards the two clear standouts of the episode: Sapphira and Q, who lip sync to Beyoncé’s (!!) “Break My Soul” (!!!). Let’s not mince words here: Sapphira ate Q up. Her pacing was methodical, her stage presence captivating, and her breast plate precarious. At all times your attention is drawn to Sapphira, and which direction her nipples are going to point next. She’ll be sticking around this season. Of that I have no doubt.

And that’s it! One premiere down, and one to go. If you’ve made it this far… you’re a darling. If you’ve subscribed… I’m a little bit in love with you. And if you’ve become a paid subscriber… well, you’re probably my mom. Hi, mom! Please tell dad to text me back about my taxes.

See y’all next week!